diary

it seems every passing week, my parents grow more anxious with the trump adminstration. i mean, everyone around me grows more anxious, but my parent's talks about moving back to mexico have been shifting from jokes and pipedreams to becoming serious suggestions or precautions.

i would be lying if it hasnt crossed my mind, to return to my birth country. my primary concerns is my american boyfriend and making sure i finish my degree. i asked my partner jokingly where would he go if things went crazy here and he told me he would accompany me to mexico if not with his parents. as for my degree, while it might not be very useful, as english is my first language and my education is focused on american histories, so not probably not useful for many mexican museum jobs, but i would like to finish my bachelors if for only my sense of satisfaction.

still, its not like things are a paradise in mexico. my sister was telling me today about the masses of bones of missing people being found in a cartel training base.

i will say, i know its an immense privilege for it even being possible for me to pick and choose which nation to stay in. i know there are friends, family, community members that dont have the same flexibility. i feel the pull to remain here with them in solidarity

we'll see what happens. my parents left their home countries, where the language was different, the education was different, the culture was different, in hopes for a better life. now theres a chance i might return to their home country in hopes of a better life.

i keep yearning for feeling apart of the community (whatever that means?) but i keep myself trapped at home, restless, anxious, pacing around like a bored dog with no enrichment. bc im shy, have no friends, no one to guide me

but im trying to change that. im done waiting for someone to ask me to hang out. i take myself out for coffee. i walk to places so i can be among people instead of being isolated in my car.

on friday, the gallery i intern at had a opening reception for our latest exhibit. i talked to so many people that night. it was fun. exciting. so many people with all hopes, dreams, interests. and they were so open to talking about them.

one woman just ran up to me and asked why am i here and what i do. and it was really neat. she was so energetic and genuine. i admired her. another woman chatted me for a while and talked about her partner who passed away recently and how she is trying to move past that by going out to the art show that night. very touching. my former supervisor had her boyfriend there. i talked to him a bunch about his job: a truck driver. i told him i love semitrucks and he thought i was joking. i told him i have a dream project to document interesting semi trucks i see on i65. and he told me he recommends doing long-haul truck driving if i have no obligations. he said he saw the most beautiful scenes driving across america. maybe i will one day.

i went to a MFA thesis art exhibition at my uni today. no one really invited me. i didnt really know anyone that well. but i wanted to go because why not. see some art. im gonna be an art historian. i should be familiar with my local scene.

i ended up talking to a classmate. i know hes really introverted, and he kept mentioning that hes exhuasted talking to people. so i really appreciate he took the time to talk with me. we discussed his art process, new orleans, photography, street art, his bachelors in philosphy.

i blamed my anxious, shy demenor on being gen z, covid, excessive social media consumption. sure, these things play a part. but they also can't hold me back. what can i lose by being open, genuine, honest, outgoing, and friendly? 2025 calls for change. im ready to challenge myself

the museum i work at just wrapped up it's three day event that brought stone and fossil vendors. it was super cool. lots of neat fossils, gems, geodes, and other precious stones to look at and buy. i spent way too much money on rings. i don't even wanna know the total lol. ill upload my buys soon i hope

at risk of sounding snobby through, it was really dissapointing that so many of my coworkers only really bought from a very specific shop that was selling obviously mass-produced jewerly. with so many neat indie designers and jewerly makers to buy from, and everyone turned to the temu reseller. not to mention, most of their shop was more oddities-orientated than actually focused on precious stones or fossils.

there was a sweet old lady across from the reseller that made some beautiful wrapped jewerly. she had this amazing ammonite fossil necklace. im not sure i would wear it, but it was a work of a art. she told me she has been wrapping for 30 years and it shows. i settled on buying a pair of geode earrings from her. she has another show coming up in a week about an hour away from me. perhaps i can visit (with a new paycheck deposited)

bought my first cd ever today. not sure why. i dont have a cd player. my car might has one, but i never tried it out. maybe wont work. i guess i got it for nostalgic reasons

anyway, it was enrique iglesias's bailamos. my mom would always have his music playing. she probably had all the albums at one point. maybe i could ask if she still has them. i remember her always having his cds, selena's, shaina twain's, vengaboys, and rihannas. oh, and LMFAO. haha!

i always laugh at thinking back jamming out with my mom while listening to enrique iglesias's and rihanna's music especially. so raunchy. but i was too young to really understand the lyrics and my mom's english wasn't as well-practiced back then. so we danced and danced, without a care for the words, only caring about the rhythm.

one year older. i have had a great pull to change myself a lot these past months. i can feel im going through a period of great transformation. im a little scared to see who i will be after this phase. i hope i will be more self-assured at the very least.

i met up with an old professor to discuss my capstone paper. going to get a masters was a dream i dropped this past semester (as I feel rather burnt out already. i can't imagine another 2-3 years of school). however, my professor encouraged me to not settle at my current internship and to pursue upper education. my museum studies professor said the same thing last semester too. i feel very confused now. i have to consider my options. my biggest problem is that i am unsure what area of study i would want to pursue if i did go to grad school. i'm interested in so many things: art history, archives, museum studies, textile history, latin american studies. its too late to submit grad applications, so i guess i have time to ruminate

deleted reddit. one less social media app. still have a couple, like pintrest. been getting on webtoons more often now. does that count as social media? it can def feel like mindless consumption, which is why i want to get away from social media. that being said, if u read webtoons, lmk maybe we can chat about that

birthday coming soon. one year older. don't have any plans. i'm not sure how i feel about it. i tend to not tell anyone its my birthday (in class or work), but i do like to do something special on it with family. i work that day and my boyfriend will be in class all day. family doesnt live in town with me. ig itll be a lonely birthday.

got a ton of books at the library (per usual). we'll see if i actually read any of them. my hobby is carrying around books than actually reading them. they're all about fashion so they really interest me. one is about lingerie, another is about historical corsets (along with some patterns!!). another is about fetish fashion (by valerie steele, my beloved), and another is about latin american fashion. cutting down on social media might help me actually read, so ill report back with my reviews when im done with those

hello!! quick update. school is going well. easy start. i'm taking my art history capstone class so i super worried about that class. need to make a AMAZING final paper for that class. i've written a ton of papers, but i don't feel too proud of any. oh well. must pick one to present

so i've been on neocities for a couple months and i had my fun with a template from neet-elite (rip they took their website down :< ) but now i want to make a website from scratch. i've been following kevin powell's tutorial on YT. i got my homepage/navigation down, but i need to get some other webpages working before i upload a ton. so that's why i've been gone! busy coding. i browse neocities everyday though :)) hope to have some, if not all, my pages up soon!! but till then!! take care :3

i'm brewing something.... an outfit generator!! sorta. i'm trying code an "outfit" creator using divs and scrolling. learning a bunch about coding this way. super fun! i think this will help me develop new outfits for me. i hope other people will enjoy messing around with it. maybe someone can send me the outfit they made? and i can model irl? idk!! endless possibilities!! i want to debut it soon, but it will take time to photograph and edit photos. it'll be a nice long-term project

whoa!! sorry i'm back!! maybe not for long... i got sidetracked when i got an internship and then i started school. i will be returning to school in a week, taking 5 (maybe 6) classes, have an internship, and a job, so i will be very busy. apologies for the radio silence. i'm more active on tumblr. message me on my homepage if you want my tumblr.

rewatching paradise kiss!! <3 i know george is soooo toxic but i can't help but find his act dreamy in a way. i understand its all a fantasy tho. im glad the end is the way it is

i changed my theme color again LOL. i think i will have to fiddle with javascript some time and make it so i can have multiple themes people can cycle thru

i figured out a color palette! i really like it. hope i keep it like this for a while. i also added a page for my transparents. hope anyone stopping by my blog sees them :)

i also had java chip ice cream today! my favorite!!

welp i thought i had cafe.status, but i dont :p i'm a goof ball! ah well. i spent a ton of time today reformatting my (*ahem* neetelite's) theme. i hope it looks good. next on my list is to find a suitable color palette. i think i'm over thinking it :s i need to pick one and do it!

ok just added my cafe status. i was worried it wouldnt work. i saw somewhere online that new neocities users couldn't add status cafe widgets anymore. guess that decision was reversed! thankfully. i wish i could have edited more, but unfortunately i left my laptop charger at my bf's parent's house. ah well! see you tomorrow.

just finished an interview for a gallery position! seems like a real adult position. i just hope they pay well. they haven't told me the hourly wages. >_<

i also helped my bf babysit his little brother. we watched shrek. his little brother insisted he hated shrek but i know he liked it...

my first blog entry!! i think i'm starting to understand code a bit... i did a minimal amount of code editing back in the early 2010's on my tumblr blog. i'm having a great time so far!! the next thing i wanna work on is changing the colors. i wanna have a set color harmony. oki im super hungry so bye for now!